When reality strikes - future.

Hello readers! :)

I am having one of those days again. Feeling a little down since yesterday so decided to type them out on my blog. I enjoyed recording down my feelings no matter in my blog or diary because reminiscing them back in the future,I know all the pain had all paid off. If not all,most of it. By the way before I proceed,I would like to thank some of my readers out there. Despite not updating my blog very frequently I still get support from you guys. Thank you for your concern & support. I really really appreciate it. :)

So,my typical one of those days. I remembered few years back then,people often asked me what is my ambition in the future. I always shrugged & just let the topic died down. I was very naive back then. I've never pictured myself in few years down the line what person I will turn out to be. Let alone my future? It's reality after all,right? I can be ignorant for a few years when people asked. But now,it finally strikes. I have to start making up my mind because I have to apply for my degree next year. So I thought,why not visiting education fair to see what options I have out there. Soon enough,I went there with my parents. In fact,we went yesterday to be precise. Good news,I finally know what I want. Bad news,I am not sure with my ability. I have this constant fear of doubting myself. That's my problem. All these while I only thought of doing twinning programs. I've never thought of doing my whole degree overseas. But it seems like I do have an opportunity out there. So the situation goes like. If I study hard & score well for my A-level,I am going Russia for the next 6 years to pursue my dream. Yeap,you did not see anything wrongly. Me,alone,some foreign country,main language there is not English sadly,for the next 6 years. Hard to digest all at once.

Anyway,my parents already paid for the entrance fees. Something like getting a place to study in that particular university. Adding up to my stress,that's nothing. But I've got so many in mind. I've got to leave everything behind & study alone there. 6 years is a long period. Imagine I don't have the chance to catch up with my family members anymore. I am going to miss them so dearly. I considered myself as a family oriented person so yeah,they are my everything. Besides,I have to leave all my friends & love ones. I've never been to Russia so I am pretty worried. I've started doing a lot of research on the net. Obviously it made me even more confused because there are good & bad reviews. At the end of the day,the decision goes back to me. That I know. & it also seems like my parents are very excited for me as well. They started doing research. About the university,population,culture,weather so on & so forth. I am really thankful for having a very supportive parents & family members. My parents always support my decisions. Though sometimes when it comes to disagreements,they will still give their best advice.

For now. Or I should say for the next 6 months,I have to put in a lot of effort. Ain't an easy task to score for A-level. That I know. Btw,if there's anyone of you studying/studied abroad can you give me some suggestions? Just thought of preparing myself well because time flies. Next year is coming really soon. If all ends well & smooth,I am going off on September. Mixed up feelings all in me right now. Gahhh! :O Plus,I won't be able to finished up my ballet exam journey if I am leaving. This is freaking me out also. Well,not really. But I've promised to discuss with my ballet teacher some other day so worst comes to worst,get into a ballet school in Russia & go in for exam. (which I really doubt I want to.) :(

Okay,enough of studies. I am so carried away thinking about this until I've forgotten I am flying in another 3 days time. I packed nothing & I don't know where to start with. :P This is too terrible. I too haven go for some groceries shopping with the things I am lacking on. Not even exchanged my money yet. Shall get them settled really soon. Suddenly just don't have the mood to do anything. In fact since yesterday. Hahahaha. Alright,I am signing off already. Will update you guys once I get the time to.

Adios! :D


With love,
Vanessa :)