Sunday, April 22, 2012

So hard to describe the level of pain,isn't it?


Good day readers! ;)

On a Sunday this is,back to my old style. I promise this entry around,back for good. More words,if that's what you're looking forward to reading. Whatever I am about to type/share/rant,they were all inspired by a friend of mine. I am not sure if you ever encountered situation like this before: watching your friends in pain,reflected so much about you back then. That feeling when you're in such a terrible condition whereby you wouldn't want to bother anyone with your pointless issues,knowing that you're obviously tearing apart but don't have anybody there to be there for you. That terrible feeling. I swear,if I am able to reach my hand to people like that,I'll try my best to help. I know what it is like to be left in a cold. Don't know what you're suppose to do & your thoughts just wouldn't let you rest. 

I believe throughout everybody's life,nobody can explain & describe the exact pain level they've been through. Certainly,you don't know whether the amount you've suffered,will it be the deepest scar throughout your life? Or there's actually more to come? Pain? Tell me,who hasn't suffer from it? I don't know what it is like in the future because anything is possible. One thing I know,I've been through the hugest pain in my life. Few years back,I really thought I will never get to recover from this. But who could have been told that few years later,which is now,this friend of mine reminded me of what I've been through. I've got nothing else to feel,but just proud of myself. There,I got something:

Sometimes,you just don't have a choice. You don't know how the hell you're going to sail through this pain ass situation,but you're forced to. Baby steps or what,you will eventually get through this. Nobody knows how,not even yourself. But once you're finally over with this shit,trust me. You'll know. Nothing else to feel,but to be really really proud of yourself. Congratulations! You've grew up to be a tougher person. Wiser or not,another case. :)

Been there,done that. I know what it is like to lock yourself in the room for a whole day. Losing your appetite,not even taking a sip of water. In fact,anything that go through your throat is something that is too much to take in. You've got nothing else to do but to lie on your bed,thinking about the things you've been stuck on your head over & over again. Flashing back tonnes of wonderful memories. What more? Flooding your pillows with tears every nights,crying like nobody's business til you're tired & the only way to sleep off is to cry yourself to bed. That's not full stop yet,has it? Even dreaming/having nightmares with the things you've been worrying off all day. This,all these right there,physically & mentally torturing I am telling you. I know what it is like. I'm not going to lie,whatever as described,I've been through that so tell me,what more to fear? There,at that point that's my darkest/lowest downhill of my life. It took me too long to recover from this but when I realised I was finally over with it,nobody in this world could be more happier than me. I swear.

I for once being immature,hating & ranting that the hugest pain is when somebody decided to give up on something that actually meant so much to the both of you. Something that is so special that it's irreplaceable. I really once thought,them having the guts to tell you,it's the hugest pain that I can ever endured. Not until I've met somebody telling me: you know,the most painful/torturing thing is he left. He left without saying a word. Leaving me hanging,not knowing what I meant to him. Not knowing what relationship I am having with him. A friend? Stranger? Or nothing else at all.  It hit me hard enough,just like I was given a pretty tight slap. How can I for once rant about this where this strong lady here,been through the worst. For that,I salute. I can't judge,because I don't know what it is like to be in her position. But sure enough,it's painful enough to go through. 

Something I've always believe in,& with this,I will never live in regrets:

Before you let go,you can hold on as tight as you want. You can fight for it has hard as you want. As long as you know,you've tried but things just wouldn't work out. But when you finally decided to let things go,forgo everything little pieces of the shattered memories,please bear this in mind: from now onwards,nothing is more important that your self-worth. I know,easy said than done. But this,is my biggest principle in life. Something that I promised myself so much so that yes,I did it. Things that you've promised yourself,never break it. :)

I'd wished to believe in every words of promises,but past experiences taught me not to because in the end,it didn't workout. & all the empty promises? Never once fulfilled. For that,that's when actions speak louder than words come in. If somebody eventually stopped showing you their attention,you know they didn't love you enough to give you their attention. Because somebody who truly loves you,will never get tired of showing you & giving you all their attention. You know you deserve better,but you're just unwilling to let go/accept the fact. & let me tell you,sacrifice the one you love by letting them go because you know you couldn't give them a better future. Knowing that they can have better,even though deep down you're secretly loving them with all your heart. For me,this is NOT romantic at all. You're just being plain stubborn. If in the first place both of you decided to give each other a chance,what more to think about the best? Both of you are the best. Well,some people just don't think that way,I know.

Ps: I am thankful when whenever I rant about things on Twitter/Facebook/blog,people around me will inbox me,text me,even leave a comment for me. For that,I thank you guys a lot. :')

That's all for my storytelling today. I hope I didn't bore you guys to sleep. Have a nice day! :D

Vanessa :)


  1. long motivated one anyway...;) Enjoy reading it..thanks for sharing..

  2. Very well said. However, it's so much painful when the one who hurts you, is your own sibling whom you've been staying with for years, that you really feel like killing him so much yet you couldn't and you would never either. All you can do is to be much more aware while continue staying under the same roof with him for long. That's even worse I would say. But once the depressing moment is gone, that's when you feel you're the happiest person on earth. One thing I've learned is that after all life still goes on, so why staying at the back instead of moving on? :D

  3. Eunice: thank you darling! Appreciate that. <3

    Shermaine: Thanks dear. :')

    Jiamin: I guess I know who you are referring to? But whatever it is,both of you are blood related,flowing the same blood in your body. But whatever it is,be happy & stay strong! & I love the last sentence of yours. We should all move on. :)