Thursday, February 5, 2015

The dream of that little girl.

#Throwback.

Hi guys! :) 

It's okay if nobody is reading this, but I am having one of those days again wanting to work on a blog post. This post is dedicated to that little girl, many many years ago, wanting to become a ballerina.

21 years later, here I am. Having a hobby for ballet for 15 years, currently 2 years quitting it already. I really do miss ballet, sometimes. I was once very passionate about it, & at one point it just died off. Very sad to say. Perhaps the love didn't died off just like that, more like I couldn't archived what I was required to, & that made me hated to go classes every single time. Yes truth, I screwed up my last exam for the entire program. Very sad, but that's the truth. 

After coming overseas to study. Ahh, it has officially been a year plus already. I often find myself lonely, unproductive, unmotivated & basically there's nothing here that I really enjoyed doing. All my life here I've been attending classes, studying for tests, sitting for final exam & basically it just repeats until the end of the semester. It has been becoming a routine that my life is not interesting at all, not forgetting having problems with people around me these few months. Ahh, the stress! :( 

Recently I came across a post on Facebook that this Russian ballet/stretching teacher conducts her classes in English. At that very moment I was like hell yeah! I am giving it a try even though my new semester is starting next week. So far I've been to 2 classes already, & I really enjoyed my time over there. Firstly, I am a very shy bear if you know me in real life, So I pretty much don't have any friends in class, so far. 

I will never forget that exact moment when I stepped in that place, my heart was dancing inside excitedly & basically I knew I am going love it! I was back to that little girl all over again, envying those Russian girls, being able to dance so much more gracefully than I can ever do in my entire life. I am literally like a small kid, standing outside the studio admiring them. Not even joking. :) 

My first class was a stretching class. If you don't know already, I am like the most inflexible ballet student you will ever come across, all my years throughout ballet that one thing I hate the most I gotta say is stretching time! The fact that I completely stopped classes for close to 2 years now, you can imagine my flexibility by now. But anyway, I was quite proud of myself that I decided to give it a try even though my flexibility, stamina, basically everything has gone down the drain. Surprise surprise! Not really, but I am trying to regain them as much as I could. Even though without me mentioning I am sure you know what happened the next day. I think I pushed myself too hard my whole body was really sore. But I kinda have a love-hate relationship with that feeling. Because first, it reminds me what I've always have been doing, & for once the pain are making me feeling alive. This was part of my life before I quit! & obviously, I hated it because let's be honest, nobody really like to feel sore anyways, right? :)

Had one day off & the following day, back to class! Which brings us to this morning, I went for my first ballet class after so long. Even though it was just a beginner class but I can totally feel that my techniques, my strength, my stamina... Basically where I once was, are not there anymore. I understand, I expect to see that coming knowing the fact that I haven been training myself for so long. But put aside what I've lost, the feeling is still there. I enjoyed attending classes, even though it's a completely new teacher. I missed the instructions that were given, missed memorising those ballet steps, missed being corrected by a teacher. Most importantly, I missed being inside the studio, dancing away & just leave whatever I am having on my plate for awhile. Though it's just an hour, but it was pure happiness I am telling you. :)

Throughout that one hour, everything was back to basic. Back to working back on those techniques, back to being my usual self in the studio, drowning myself in my small little world that I always enjoyed. I love ballet, & always will. :) 

& here comes the sad part, since my new semester is starting next week, I might not be able to make it to classes anymore. Probably only one stretching class a week. Good times never last huh? But I really appreciate having this opportunity to go for classes & being able to relive that exact feeling once again. Every time I go there, I felt recharged. Strange but true. If it all goes well, Friday evening will be my favourite evening from now on. At least now that whenever I lost myself, I know one hour of the whole week, I will be able to find myself, enjoying the things I love to do. Yes, it's short but I guess that's life. You will appreciate things more if it's taken away from you/you just don't have the time for it anymore. 

I'm signing off. Hope to see you guys soon! Take care x. :)

Lots of love,
Van :)

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe I am BACK and I am READING this :)

    ReplyDelete